Dear Fucking Pharmacists. Have you ever considered that maybe the person trying to buy ONE pack of 24 bastard Solpadeine capsules is not a heroin addled crack whore (checking all my fucking privileges and many apologies to heroin addled crack whores who are not trying to buy 24 fucking Solpadeine in an actual fucking pharmacy that actually has an entire shelf full of every conceivable fucking type of Solpadeine)? Maybe said person actually has a head walloping headache for which Solpadeine is required. Maybe said headache has not been caused by cold fucking turkey (not another Christmas rant I swear). Maybe the headache has been caused by the impending arrival of her monthly period. You know that thing where you bleed from your vagina once a month and desperately need to watch Grey’s Anatomy. You went to fucking college right? Maybe this person got very little sleep because of nuclear night sweats that occur in the week before the aforementioned menstrual period you may have learnt about in college. Maybe she had to get up in the night to change her sweat soaked pyjamas and fell over the cat on her way to the wardrobe. Maybe this person had to share her bed the night before she tried to buy Solpadeine from a fucking sadist with an angry bastard cat and a daughter who read Daisy and the Trouble with Fucking Burglars which is not a Stephen FUCKING King horror story and who will now never sleep in her own bed again because she thinks even the angry fucking cat sneaking in to sleep in the top bunk with her non burglar fearing sister might be a bastard burglar masquerading as the family cat even though the burglar appears to BE the fucking cat. ( Buy books for your children people. They don’t make them fucking crazy at all. THAT’S ALL YOUR GENES RIGHT THERE ) MAYBE said person who clearly isn’t me has already tried paracetomol for her headache and it has NOT FUCKING WORKED. If the fucking paracetamol had fucking worked would this person be wearing sunglasses the size of dinner plates to block out the fucking light while attempting to purchase Solpadeine from the most condescending fucking pharmacist in the world ever ? NO SHE BLOODY BASTARDING WOULD NOT. She’d be at home cutting up fucking heroin or whatever perfectly normal people like her do for kicks these days. And maybe when this person eventually persuades you that she is deserving of a packet of bastard fuck Solpadeine she bought another packet of 24 Solpadeine from the totally non fucking bastard pharmacy up the road just to prove that it could be done sans sneery insinuations from a total bastard fuck pharmacist. So suck on that Fucko.
Yours with 2 packets of 24 Solpadeine, A complete fucking mad woman. *runs off to take all the solpadeine* **
*May contain a lot of curse words
** Not really. Maybe